I know what it's like to feel conflicted about sex.
I, too, was anxious about having it.
I wanted to want it because I thought that was what "normal" was, but I needed to have a drink or two (or three) before I could relax enough to enjoy myself.
I wanted my partner to be happy and yet I felt resentful because of the pressure to have sex and my difficulty with saying "no".
I would catch myself getting in the mood after things got started and I would tell myself "I need to remember this" (you know-like going to the gym- you don't really want to go, but once you are there you get into it) only to have it not work next time.
I felt exhausted from the day and sex was like one more thing on my "to do" list, usually at the bottom, after dishes and laundry ...
I avoided circumstances that could lead to sex. Hugging, kissing and making eye contact decreased and I started going to bed at a different time than my partner.
Sex became the elephant in the room, and both my partner and I were aware of that.
That was me....
That stressful and painful place killed all the fun and intimacy in my most important relationship.
Until one day, I decided "NO MORE" and I made myself a promise.
I promised myself I would figure this out for my sake and the sake of so many women that live in fear and worry of what will happen to their marriage or their relationship if they can not keep this up forever.
And I did. I figured it out.